All wives beware!

There's a very good reason I'll only date married men

Published by: Fiona Ford
Published on: 2nd February 2011

If someone had told me 10 years ago I’d be doing what I am now, I’d have laughed in their face. But after nearly dying and splitting from two husbands, I’ve found the recipe for a perfect relationship – dating married men. I know I sound like a hussy, but I can assure you I’m no home-wrecker.
When I was 19, I married Martin, who was seven years older than me. We were in love and I believed it was forever. We were over the moon when I had my son Michael, now 22, and, two years later, our daughter Jennifer, 20, arrived.
But then cracks began to show.We never had a good word to say to each other, and rarely had nookie. After seven years together, reality hit and we had a heart-to-heart.
‘We married too fast,’ I told him.
‘And too young,’ he agreed.
‘As we’ve grown up, we’ve grown apart,’ I sighed. We split, but remained close for the kids. A year later, friends offered to set me up on a blind date.
Walking into the restaurant, spotting the tall, dark handsome man sitting at a table, my heart skipped a beat. His name was Ian, he was 12 years older than me and, in short, gorgeous!
We hit it off and, even though I lived in the Midlands and he was based in London, we saw each other most weekends. Our relationship was perfect, and the kids loved him. So, when he proposed four years after we’d got together, I said yes.
The wedding had all the trimmings – the big dress, cake and fancy manor house reception. ‘I feel like a princess,’ I beamed to Ian.
‘You look like one,’ he grinned. ‘I’ll always treat you like one, too.’
It’s fair to say he did. I had a lovely home life and went on some great holidays. But I felt something was missing. Like I was acting a part, rather than being myself.
Then in December 2008, I woke one morning feeling hot and sick. ‘You don’t look well,’ Ian said.
‘I’m fine,’ I promised, heading for the shower. The second I switched on the water, though, my legs went weak and I collapsed.
The next thing I knew, I was in hospital. ‘You’ve burst your bowel, and are suffering from peritonitis,’ explained Ian, gripping my hand. ‘They need to get you into surgery.’
I was whisked to theatre where surgeons spent six hours operating on me. But it was touch and go – I even died on the table at one point.
When I came round, I felt like I’d been hit by a bus. I spent two weeks in hospital and, although Ian was by my side, I began thinking about our relationship.
Things had become too safe and reliable. We never talked, let alone had sex. I felt invisible. Funny how the little things can build up until they become big. The final straw in our relationship came a few days later. I asked him to bring some toiletries and a change of nightie to the hospital… but he forgot.
It was the perfect illustration of how we’d stopped thinking about each other. And I couldn’t help noticing he’d remembered to bring a mag for himself to read!
Back home, I broke things off with him. I know I sound heartless, just dumping these men I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with. But surely I was helping them, too? By leaving now, neither of us would be forced to live like this, pretending everything was fine. We’d both be better off.
I know I was. I went skiing, got a motorcycle, and finally felt like the real me. All I needed was a fella who I could feel happy with. But now I was 39, all the blokes I met were married!
Mind you, it didn’t stop them trying it on. I could spot them a mile off. They’d have a white line around their ring finger, never be available at weekends, or past 11pm.
‘There must be some decent single blokes my age out there?’
I sulked to mates.
‘Try a dating website,’ they said.
‘I’m not after a relationship,’ I said. ‘Just a bit of fun.’
I was fed up of playing games, didn’t want to be bogged down with expectations, and couldn’t face thinking I’d fallen in love, only to discover I was wrong. I needed to start dating married men. Why? That way, I’d never have to compromise again.
In both my previous relationships, I’d felt like half a person. I’d had to share everything, and could never truly be myself. In my opinion, married women never got to fulfil their potential, because they were held back by their other half.
For me, dating a married man meant there’d never be strings attached. I could do everything I wanted to in life – and enjoy a bit of how’s your father. So, I registered with the dating website www. and, before long, a guy approached me on the site.
We got chatting and, a couple of weeks later, met for coffee. He was a nervous wreck. ‘I’ve never done this before,’ he said. ‘My wife would kill me if she found out.’
‘Well, the last thing I want to be is a home- wrecker,’ I assured him. ‘I’ve got kids, and no family should have to go through a divorce.’
It was true. I didn’t want my actions to ruin any good marriages.
After a shaky start, we got on well and met the following week for dinner. Of course, we had more than coffee in the hotel room he’d booked afterwards. ‘Your wife will be the last thing on your mind by the time I’ve finished,’ I purred.
Sure enough, he wasn’t screaming her name at any crucial moments. And I never spared a thought for her, either. After that, I met dozens of other married men on the site with similar, satisfactory results!
Do I feel guilty? No. In fact, I think I help save marriages. Maybe that sounds ridiculous, but think about it. I give these blokes the excitement they’re looking for – then send them back to their wives. The skills I teach them in the bedroom come in handy putting the fizz back into a boring marriage!
Plus, these adulterers often feel so guilty, they go home and lavish their wives with gifts. I’m certainly always being spoiled rotten with flowers, chocolates and presents…
Besides, if I wasn’t around, these blokes might have affairs with women who wanted them to leave their wife and kids. Everyone would end up divorced and unhappy. This way, I’m keeping marriages going.
I haven’t told my family about my antics because I don’t want them worrying. But I’ve managed to talk one of my mates into joining the website, which proved my theory about relationships getting boring…
When she started dating someone I’d been out with from the site, we discovered he sent the same emails full of saucy filth I’d received! ‘How unimaginative,’ snorted my pal.
‘See,’ I scoffed. ‘If he’s like that with his mistress, imagine how boring he must be to live with.’
I know you’re thinking I’m just after a good time at someone else’s expense, but that isn’t the case. I worry about having my heart broken. One day I’d like to settle down, I just have to find a man who I’ll never get bored with.
Until then, there are plenty of married blokes looking for a good time – just like me.
Tara Green, 41, South London