Stories
My pants are haunted!
Was a pervy ghost messing with my undies?
Poor Mum, anyone would think I’d moved to Australia, not the end of the road. Just remembering the look on her face as I’d headed off to my new flat made me feel guilty…
But not so guilty that it could wipe the smile off my face. After all, I was 20 – it was time I stood on my own two feet.
‘Here’s to lots of girlie fun!’ cheered Caroline, 23, my new flatmate. We clinked glasses, and I took a swig of my wine before continuing to unpack. Soon, my clothes hung in the wardrobe, undies were stashed in their drawer, shoes lined up neatly.
Living with Caroline was so much fun! A few nights later, I was cracking open another bottle of plonk, this time because I was going out. As I put on my make-up, I sang along to Beyonce and danced around in my undies in front of the mirror.
‘Mmmm,’ a man’s voice moaned. I froze, mascara mid-stroke. What the hell was that? ‘Mmm-mmm.’ Another groan!
I spun around, but the room was empty. Was Caroline messing about? Putting on a deep, gravelly voice to freak me out? Nope, because she’d already gone out, I’d heard her leave.
Clearly, I was imagining things. Shaking my head, I carried on getting ready.
But a couple of days later, I was getting dressed when I heard rushing water. The tap in the bathroom was on full blast.
‘How did that happen?!’ I frowned. ‘Must be going mad, maybe I left it on.’
A week later, me and Caroline were watching telly when – slam! The kitchen door shut itself! We looked at each other nervously.
‘D-do you think there’s someone in the house?’ whispered Caroline, eyes wide with fear.
‘We’d better check,’ I breathed. But a search of every room found nothing. There was only one other explanation. ‘Do y-you think this place is haunted?’ I asked.
‘Well, um, sometimes I get the feeling I’m being watched,’ she confessed. ‘But I’ve been trying not to think about it.’
‘Could just be the workings of our over- active imaginations,’ I reasoned.
But I certainly wasn’t imagining things a fortnight later.
I got back from a night out, snapped on my bedroom light - and shrieked.
The contents of my knicker drawer were scattered across the room. Thongs over the mirror, lacy pants on the floor…
‘This is insane,’ I breathed. My smalls had been spooked – there was no other explanation! Now I thought about it, I realised that virtually every scary going-on had happened when I’d been in my scanties.
Shrieking, I ran into Caroline’s room. ‘We’ve got a pervy ghost,’ I panicked.
A few days later, our pant-obsessed poltergeist targeted my flatmate. Caroline found her lingerie stuffed into the kitchen sink!
This was crazy – our pants were paranormal! I knew it was time to get to the bottom of things when I was getting ready for a night out.
Before showering, I’d laid out my clothes on the bed – a little black dress and matching lacy bra and knickers. But when I came back into my room, my nice knickers had been swapped for an old, greying set.
‘This has got to stop,’ I fumed. So I went on the internet and found a psychic.
‘I’m starting to dread my own drawers!’ I explained.
‘Don’t worry, I’ll see what I can do,’ she told me.
She arrived a few nights later. She blessed each room but, when she got to mine, she shivered.
‘There’s a lot of activity in here,’ she breathed. ‘I can sense the ghost of a child that died in the house, and some demonic goblins.’
She was positive the goblins were getting in our knicker drawers.
‘They’re being naughty,’ she said. ‘But I can get rid of them for you.’ ‘Knickers to that,’ I decided. ‘I can’t stay here a day longer.’
So me and Caroline moved out, and now I’m back with Mum.
Hopefully, one day I’ll leave home again. But next time I’ll find a place that doesn’t leave my knickers in a twist!
Stacey Lacey, 22, Greenwich, London
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