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Three women and a baby

There were a few things that my fella hadn't told me...


Published by: Louisa Gregson and Laura Hinton
Published on: 10 November 2011

Barriers, they're what we put up when we've had our heart broken. It's only when a very special person comes along that we can start to let them down again...
Which is how I felt when I met Shahid, 31. When he'd added me on Facebook three years ago, I'd hardly recognised him at first.
Tall, dark and rugged, he'd grown into a hunk. It took a while for me to click that it was the same guy I'd known at college - we'd never spoken, but I knew of him.
So when he'd messaged me, asking if I'd like to go out to dinner, I was flattered. I'd just come out of a serious relationship, and was feeling quite low. A few fun dates were just what the doctor ordered.
‘I work as a city trader,' Shahid told me when we met up.
‘Very impressive,' I'd grinned. ‘I'm a beauty therapist.'
There was an instant attraction.
‘So, if I could take you on a date anywhere in the world, where would it be?' he'd asked, suddenly.
‘I don't know,' I'd stuttered. No bloke had ever asked before!
‘Paris would be romantic,'
he'd grinned. ‘We can go up the Eiffel Tower, sip red wine in a fancy restaurant...'
‘Top marks,' I'd chuckled, wondering if he could possibly get any more perfect.
From that night, he'd spoiled me rotten. We'd gone to all the trendy London Mayfair clubs, had holidayed in St Lucia - and Paris! ‘It's perfect,' I sighed, as he kissed me at the top of the Eiffel Tower.
Yet our relationship wasn't too intense, either. We normally saw each other on either a Friday or Saturday night, and then once or twice during the week.
It was ideal - neither of us wanted anything too serious.
Ever so slowly though, I'd let him in, had fallen in love. After a year or so, my barriers were down. It didn't feel like Shahid's were, though. ‘He does delete literally all the posts you make on his Facebook wall,' my mate Sarah, 26, laughed with me one night.
‘I know,' I sighed. ‘But that's because they're always so lovey-dovey!'
‘And he has two phones as well,' she said, rolling her eyes. ‘Now who needs two phones?'
‘One for work, one for pleasure,' I smiled, brushing it off. ‘He jokes that he's like Ashley Cole... but really he's a big softie.'
‘We can see he thinks the world of you, and that's what matters.'
She was right, we did love each other. And I would've been happy to carry on as we were. Except, a few days later, I realised I'd missed my last two, or was it three, periods.
We'd always been careful, but... So now, sitting in the bathroom, I was nervously staring at a pregnancy test. Positive.
It might be too soon in our relationship, but I couldn't bear the thought of a termination. I had to tell Shahid. So the next day, I went to see him. ‘I'm pregnant,' I said. ‘I'll understand if you don't want to stick around.'
But his face instantly broke out into a grin. ‘That's amazing,' he beamed. My heart swelled.
‘Are you sure we can do this?' I asked.
‘I love you,' he smiled. ‘I'll be there for you. We can get married... it will be perfect.'
Okay, this was serious now but, instantly, my excitement grew. He really thought we could have a future together. With his support, I'd be able to do this.
While I got my head around
the idea of having a baby, Shahid went off on holiday to Thailand with the boys. He'd booked it months before, and I hadn't wanted him to cancel - it was only for 10 days, after all.
‘I'll call you when I get there,' Shahid promised, kissing me goodbye.
He kept to his word. The first night, we spent ages on the phone.
‘I love you so much,' he kept repeating. ‘I can't wait to get home and plan for the future with you.'
‘Me, neither,' I smiled. For the next couple of days, I got a text here and there, but that was it. Bless him, he was obviously having a whale of a time. He deserved it though, because this baby would soon be taking over everything!
I was busy anyway, breaking
the news to family and friends, trying to work out how I'd juggle work and childcare...
But then, the night before he was due to fly home, I got an odd text from Shahid. It was completely out of the blue. You've driven me away, was all it said.
What on earth was he on about? Was he drunk?! When I rang, he didn't answer. So I logged on to Facebook to try to contact him.
When I looked on his page though, I saw some new holiday snaps had been uploaded... by some brunette woman called Areena Binary. Ummm, who the hell was she, and why was she posing in photos with my bloke?!
Clicking on her profile, I saw she was Thai. A sickening feeling formed in the pit of my stomach. I scrolled down, and saw she'd left him posts, too.
I love and miss you so much, she'd written. I can't wait to go on holiday with you!
Heart hammering, I tried his phone again... but there was no answer. Maybe this was some kind of awful joke, maybe his mates had set him up or something.
Taking a deep breath, I tried telling myself it was just my hormones kicking in. ‘You're panicking about nothing,' I told myself. I picked up the TV remote and started scrolling through the channels. But I couldn't concentrate. This Areena woman kept popping up in my head.
‘Right,' I muttered, sitting back down in front of the computer. ‘It's time to get to the bottom of this.'
So I sent her a private message, asking who she was and how she knew my boyfriend. She wrote back straight away: He's just a friend.
No, something wasn't right. You didn't pose for photos like that with a ‘friend,' or tell a ‘friend' you loved and missed them ‘so much'.
From woman to woman, I need to know if anything has happened, I wrote. I'm pregnant with his baby.
Her reply told me my suspicions were right. Call me, she wrote.
Looking down at my watch, I realised Shahid was on the flight home right about now. If I rang her and it was nothing, then he might not even have to find out. But we were having a baby together, so I couldn't let it go.
Nervously punching in her number, the phone seemed to ring for ages before she picked up.
Moments later, tears were trickling down my cheeks. I was struggling to take in her words, to understand what she was saying. ‘Shahid is a soldier,' she babbled on. ‘He told me he doesn't have a girlfriend because he'd been fighting in Afghanistan... he's obsessed with me.'
‘H-he's my boyfriend!' I spluttered, but she couldn't hear me because there was a delay on the phone.
‘We spent the whole week together in bed,' she continued. ‘We went shopping to find three necklaces for his cousins, and he wants to show me his Ferrari, and take me to Paris...'
‘He t-took me to P-Paris,' I stuttered, remembering how we'd spoken about it on our first date. ‘And he doesn't own a Ferrari!'
‘No, he's fighting in Afghanistan,' she twittered on.
Lies, they're all lies, that's what I wanted to tell her. But the whole time we'd been speaking, I'd felt my body getting weaker.
Clutching my stomach, I suddenly felt a short, sharp pain. My baby. Our baby. I had to keep calm, all this anger and confusion wasn't good for the poor mite...
‘I have to go,' I told Areena. Then I hung up and went to lay down on the sofa. My mind was spinning. Surely there had to be some explanation? Maybe she was some weirdo who'd become obsessed? But then how would
she know all those things...
My phone rang. It was Shahid. ‘Who's this girl in Thailand?!' I shrieked. He was silent for a moment, as if he was trying to choose his words carefully.
‘A friend,' he spluttered. ‘Nothing else...'
But his words were drowning out, because I suddenly felt woozy. Something was wrong.
As I clutched my stomach again, something wet began trickling down my leg. ‘No!' I panicked.
Had I started bleeding through the stress of it all?
Hanging up, I grabbed my keys and drove to the hospital.
Whatever Shahid had to say could wait. I called Sarah on the way, and she met me there.
‘It'll be okay,' she soothed.
But it wasn't. ‘I'm sorry, you've had a miscarriage,' the doctor told me. The stress had killed my baby.
‘Shahid's destroyed everything,' I sobbed to Sarah. My life had turned on its head. This morning, I'd been so in love and excited about becoming a mum. Now, I'd lost my baby and knew the man I'd trusted had betrayed me. ‘I really wanted this baby and the future Shahid promised me,' I cried.
‘Have you talked to Shahid properly? Are you certain he was with this girl?' Sarah asked.
‘I don't want to be told what I already know the answer to,' I said.
But there was one thing I needed to do - let him know about the baby. When he answered the phone, I hit him with the news before he could speak. ‘I lost our child,' I spat.
‘I'm so sorry,' he mumbled, voice breaking. ‘I love you. Let me be there for you, please.'
‘Leave me alone,'
I said, determined.
‘At least let me pop round... I bought you a lovely necklace on holiday.'
The necklace. His words sent a chill down my spine. Areena, his Thai girl, had mentioned it earlier - she'd helped him to chose it. ‘You disgust me,' I told him, hanging up.
For the next month, Shahid pestered me though, turned up at my door begging for forgiveness so many times, but I refused to listen to him.
Finally, after a quiet Christmas, I started to pull myself back together. I logged on to Facebook for the first time since my life had imploded - and saw I had a new private message. It was from a girl called Eleanor, also living in London.
I think you should know your boyfriend's been leading a double life, she'd written. I always wondered why you were tagged in so many of his pictures. I was in a relationship with him for nine months.
To say I was stunned is an understatement. That dirty, low-down rat had been talking marriage and babies to me while being in a long-term relationship with another woman, and having a holiday fling, too? How many women did he need on the go at once?!
I emailed her straight back and, over the course of a few more messages, everything started to make sense.
He'd been going out with Eleanor at the same time as me, had taken her to the same places, even promised a Paris trip! But he'd ditched her after getting back from Thailand. She'd finally put two and two together, and got in touch. He'd fooled us both.
‘He always told me you were an obsessive girl from college whenever I saw your Facebook messages,' she added.
Her words stung, but it all made sense now. He had two phones, and could only see me once at the weekend because he'd been juggling his time between us.
And guess who'd been given the third necklace from the Thailand holiday? Eleanor!
It was the final nail in the coffin, what I needed to hear to get over him completely. Shahid was a fake - and so was the life he promised me.
Nearly eight months on, I know I'll find it incredibly difficult to trust anyone again. For that reason, I'll never forgive Shahid.
My barriers are up higher than ever. I just hope that when someone truly special comes along, I'll be able to let my barriers down.

• Shahid Khan, 31, says: ‘I wasn't ready for a committed relationship. I was very confused, and being selfish and greedy. My true feelings were for Roshelle. I look at her as the one who got away. But I know I deserved to be caught out, and I was very stupid.'


Roshelle Hanora, 27, North London