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I'm a toyboy tranny

Our age gap was one thing, but my secret was quite another...


Published by: Laura Hinton and Johanna Burrows
Published on: 9 August 2012

Marriage is about honesty. You should be able to trust the one you love with your deepest secrets. But as I saw my wife Maureen's dress on the ironing pile, familiar feelings of shame battled inside me.
After 29 years of married life, I'd never been completely honest with her - or myself. I sank on to the bed and cried, feeling helpless.
Without warning, Maureen, 75, popped her head around the door. Just recently, we'd started sleeping in separate beds. I'd been putting up barriers between us.
‘Night, love,' she said, before noticing my tears. ‘Oh, what's up?'
The enormity of it all hit me.
‘There's something I need
to say,' I cried, breaking down. ‘I haven't been honest.'
‘Have you had an affair?' she asked, her lip quivering.
‘No,' I cried, ashamed. ‘It's far, far worse.'She took my hand in hers.
‘Tell me, Arthur,' she said. ‘Whatever it is, please, tell me.'
Looking deep into her eyes, I was reminded of the headstrong woman that I'd met all those years ago. She'd been 18 years older than me, and I was lodging with her sister. Married previously, Maureen was a woman who knew what she wanted.
We couldn't keep our hands off each other, back then. It'd been so intense that we'd wed just a few months later.
‘Every woman needs a young bit of fluff,' she'd joked. ‘It keeps us youthful!'
I'd been her toyboy, her lover, her best friend. Yes, our sex life had dwindled of late, but the love was still as strong.
But would Maureen want her toyboy if she knew my dirty secret? It was now or never...
‘I want to be a woman,'
I admitted. ‘Ever since I was a teenager, I've worn women's clothes in secret.'
She was stunned. The truth was, I'd tried on her dresses so many times over the years. It was only when I felt the soft fabric on my skin that I felt complete.
‘I understand if you want to leave,' I whispered, voice cracking. ‘But I need to live as a woman.'
‘I've loved you from the day we met,' Maureen replied, her eyes brimming with tears. ‘Whatever you want to be, we'll do it together. I'm just so relieved - I thought you wanted to leave me.'
‘Really?' I gasped.
Never in a million years had I expected that reaction. But then, we'd always been so devoted.
‘I love you,' Maureen said, as I hugged her tightly.
I felt my shoulders sag with relief.
This wasn't going to be simple, though. For nearly three decades I'd played the macho role of Maureen's husband. Now, I was asking to change all that.
A few days on, we spoke again.
‘Why don't you try on one of my dresses?' she suggested. ‘I need to see how you scrub up.'
I saw a flash of the old sexy, cheeky Maureen. I couldn't believe how great she was being.
Taking a deep breath, I slowly slipped into her favourite red dress. Staring in the mirror, with Maureen beside me, I swung my hips from side to side. I looked good... we looked good.
‘We make an odd pair, don't we?' I said, suddenly tickled.
‘Certainly do,' Maureen giggled. ‘But what the heck?'
Later, we sat at the computer together and looked online for information about transsexuals.
‘There's a club in Chelmsford,' Maureen said. ‘You'll have to go.'
‘I need to get a new wardrobe first,' I chuckled. ‘No offence, but your clothes are a bit old-fashioned for my tastes!'
‘Well, I have always been your older lover,' she laughed, swatting me away.
I needed a new name, too.
We eventually settled on Andrea, so I'd keep the same initials.
‘Can I come to the club with you later?' Maureen asked.
I gasped in shock. I hadn't even thought she'd consider it.
‘Of course,' I grinned.
Later, as I applied my make-up, she watched, transfixed.
‘It's like a weight has been lifted from you,' she smiled.
‘I can see you're happier.'
She was right - I was finding the real me. It had taken 57 years, but I was finally doing it.
Once I was all dolled up, I stepped back for Maureen to see.
‘Wow,' she gasped. ‘Stunning.'
As she took my hand in hers,
I felt so proud. Me and my wife were doing this together.
Moments later, we climbed into the cab. We must've looked like a right pair. Well, the driver gave us a double-take, anyway.
‘To Club Alternative, please,'
I told him, putting my hand on Maureen's knee.
‘Certainly,' he said, eyes wide.
‘He must wonder what an old woman like me is doing with a transsexual like you!' Maureen hissed, nudging me. ‘Or maybe he thinks we're lesbians...'
‘Ooh, scandalous!' I giggled.
Before I knew it, we were there. Walking inside, I was shocked. Everywhere there were men dressed as women like me, and they were all so welcoming.
‘I feel hopeful,' I grinned at Maureen.
A year has passed and I'm on the waiting list for a sex-change op. I'll find out soon whether I've got the funding.
Although it's been a bumpy ride, because some of my family won't accept the new me, I feel so much happier. I can walk down the street with my head held high.
Funnily enough, it's given me and Maureen a new lease of life.
‘I feel like I've got you back,' she told me recently. My secret made me break away from her, but now we're closer than ever.
We go to Club Alternative every month, wife and wife. I'm just so lucky and proud to have this amazing woman. Becoming a transvestite saved our marriage.

Andrea Buckingham, 57, Grays, Essex